May 13, 2018
May 13, 2018
What a perfect occasion to talk about the various ways you can include your loving mother in your wedding planning + wedding day. Moms – we wouldn’t be here without them! So when “the question” is popped and it’s time to start planning, it’s nice to include your mom to show her you appreciate all she has done for you growing up.
Every mother/daughter or mother/son relationship is different. Some children tell their mom when they shared their first kiss, and some don’t talk about anything private. In the end though, it’s up to you to decide how much of the planning process you will share with your mom.
We’re here to tell you all the various ways you could include your mom if you so choose.
Call and tell your mom! Even if she’s behind the big proposal, she will want to hear all your excitement. Make sure you tell her personally; the worst way a mom could find out is on social media. It’s happened many times before, and it never ends well.
If you’re having an engagement party, make sure your parents are invited. Usually engagement parties are planned by your overly-excited friends, so don’t forget to share that party with your immediate family, if not extended family as well.
First things first, ask your parents about their expected ‘final’ guest list! It’s extremely important for your parents to voice how many people and who they want to invite. We have many clients who have their ‘set guest list’ and a few months later the parents remember guests they didn’t originally include. This can get very messy though if you’re basing your guest count off of 200 (for example) and they have 14 friends they forgot about. That heavily impedes on the budget as well as the venue space. If the venue max’s out at 200 (in this example), you may be out of luck. So, give your mom and dad an ultimatum. Once they figure out their guest list (friends, family) make sure they know you’re expecting them to stick to that so no problems arise in the future. We want to make sure your parents are fully happy with the guest list, especially if they’re paying for part of your wedding.
This brings us to our next point. The dreaded budget talk. Nowadays it’s very up in the air who pays for what. If you’re open to talking about the budget in the beginning, you’ll be able to properly delegate what aspects of the wedding your parents should pay for so there is no surprises in the end.
Invite her to be part of your wedding party
If you and your mom are besties, have her stand by your side along with your other girlfriends. We see it more and more lately. This would truly be an honor for every mom.
A wrist corsage is very typical and traditional for a mom to wear on wedding day. If you want to make her feel special, ask if she wants to have something ‘different’. Some examples may include a flower bracelet, small bouquet/cluster of flowers, flower ‘pin’ for her dress, or floral comb for her hair. The most important part is to ask what SHE wants. It’s nice if everything is cohesive, but don’t stress too much about that. If your mom loves blue anemones but you have no blue in your decor, we recommend just letting her have what she loves the most because in the end that’s what matters.
Most moms LOVE flowers. If your florist is providing a floral showing (something that is very important that I will discuss in a later blog), this is the perfect opportunity to bring your mom along. It is one of the first times you’ll actually envision your big day. Seeing an example of your floral centerpiece with your linens and dinnerware is impactful. And, many times we’ve seen moms add in some extra expenses while they’re there. For example, glass charger plates are pricey. It’s hard to verify the price just by looking at a picture. When the charger is in the floral showing though, it will “make sense” as one of my MOB (mother of bride) quoted a few weeks ago. That’s a win, win in my books! Include your mom for the experience and also get a few upgrades 🙂
If your mom is slightly overbearing and you don’t want her to get her nose in too many facets of the wedding, give her some responsibilities. Some easy tasks (that you may not want to do but mom would love to) can include; assemble hotel bags, make bathroom baskets, tie favors together, etc.
Ask your mom if there’s any accessories or items from her wedding you’d like to include in yours. We’ve seen many brides incorporate part of their mom’s dress lace in their dress or bouquet. We’ve also seen brides borrow their mom’s veil or other accessories like earrings, necklace, bracelets, etc. These are the little details that won’t matter too much in the grand scheme of things, but will go really far for your mom.
Final Dress Fitting
If your mom was not with you when you found ‘the dress’, see if she wants to join you in your fitting. Then if she attends the final dress fitting, she will learn how to bustle your dress. Come wedding day, she can be included with your bridesmaids when it’s time to get it bustled!
Everyone likes to feel special and one great way to give your mom that feeling is to include her in the bridesmaid gifts as a surprise. Your mom most likely knows what you’re getting the girls, but keep it a secret that you got her the same monogrammed robe, personalized clutch, shiny earrings, etc. It’s a great way to start the day off.
As most people know, bridesmaids typically get their hair and makeup done the morning of the wedding. Don’t forget about the moms though! It’s nice to include both the bride and groom’s moms to get ready in the morning with all the ladies. There’s nothing better than listening to girly music, drinking mimosas, and sharing that special morning with all the women in your life. A bonus would be to pay for your mom’s hair and makeup. Then she will really feel pampered. We have seen that ‘gifted’ many times.
Getting to the ceremony
If your wedding is not a “one stop shop” where the ceremony is on-site, you will have to look into transportation. Many couples will choose to get a large vehicle (trolley, shuttle, limo) for their bridal party to get to the church/ceremony site, then to drive around for pictures. Have you thought about how your parents are going to get there though? A really nice gesture would be to see if your parents want to travel with you to the ceremony. Bride goes with her parents, groom goes with his parents, and bridal party goes alone to the ceremony site. This way, the couple gets their final moments of a calm environment with the people who have been closest to them their entire life.
Walk Down The Aisle
This is one of the more prominent changes in “wedding tradition” we’ve seen lately. Traditionally, the father of the bride walks the bride down the aisle. The mom is typically escorted by a brother or other close family member. If your aisle is wide enough (something to check in advance!), see if your mom would appreciate walking you down too. It’s a nice moment with both parents at your side. This is actually expected with some religions, and I’m not going to lie I love how it looks!
Ceremony Shout Out
If you choose to write your own vows, a short and sweet shout out to your mom and dad about how they raised you is very appropriate. The ceremony truly is the most memorable and emotional time of the entire day, so make sure you include a brief “lesson you learned” or advice given from your parents.
If you want to incorporate a unity candle (religious or not), this is a nice opportunity for both mothers to be part of your ceremony. If you want to learn more about unity candles, visit here.
In your cocktail hour space, display a few photos of your family. Wedding pictures of your parents or pictures of you with your parents are nice personal touches to include.
Best Seat In The House
Because we’re a wedding planning company, this is something that we do for every wedding. If you don’t have a planner though, make sure someone puts your parent’s place cards at the best seats at their reception table so they’re facing you. Typically the mom and dad are the last to arrive in the reception room because they’re stuck talking to guests, or are being introduced into the room, so make sure their seats are reserved in advance so they don’t have to turn their backs the entire dinner!
You could spend 10 seconds or 3 minutes thanking your mom on your wedding day. Either way, it’s a really nice gesture. This could be during the ceremony or reception. As long as you have the microphone, we would make sure to acknowledge the love and support your mom (and dad) have provided you throughout your life.
We all know about the father daughter dance, but what about the moms in this world? Not fair, right? If you have a special song with your mom, or you know your parents wedding dance song, play it in the middle of the dancing and grab your mom for a dance. It doesn’t have to be as orchestrated or “in the spotlight” as the father daughter dance, but it’s a nice way to get on your mom’s emotional side. It’s one of the last opportunities to be dressed nice and pick a song for you both to dance to.
Does your mom love to cook? We have seen some adorable ideas based off of family recipes. Whether your mom cooks something for all the guests and packages it (like cookies or brownies), or provides her recipe on the back of the menu card, these home-felt touches are the things guests (and your mom!) will remember.
So you’re off with your partner in some exotic land and everything is so picture perfect. Just don’t forget to check in with your parents to let them know you’re thinking of them and you’re having fun and being safe. Parents will never stop being nervous, and will always care what you’re doing. So spend the extra few dollars on a long distance call to check in with them while you’re on your honeymoon.
We hope you’ve enjoyed our first wedding tip! Make sure to follow our blogs to stay up to date on additional wedding tips, real weddings, and more!”